Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
