Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
