then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
