she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
