your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
