I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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