Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
