my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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