Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
