he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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