I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
