so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
