ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
