OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
