no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
