i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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