Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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