I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
