Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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