Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
