Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
