not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
