Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
