what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
