so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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