im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
