I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.