I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?