when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??