My sheets look like a crime scene.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
