Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
