Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize