Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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