Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
