who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
