i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
