wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have fence marks all over my body
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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