I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
