The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there is glitter all over my balls
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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