went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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