God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
