Got a toothbrush?
You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
