no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
