Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
