Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
