Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
