after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
my liver is dry heaving
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
