I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize