i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
