Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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