the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
