Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
