How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
