I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
