I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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