What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
