I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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