Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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