it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
