speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
