More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
