There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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