just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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