I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
