I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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