Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
