eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
