I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
