Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
