You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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